But no, he remained a wimp to the bitter end. I went to the kitchen and he came after me. “If you’re a real man you’ll grab me now”, I thought, and I let my buttocks wiggle a bit more. But no, one is politically correct, or isn’t one? So he kept at a decent, correct distance from me. Or did he play the same game I was playing? I stood next to him by the sink to show him the gear he needed. And he asked me if I had enjoyed to dance like that. (Oh. Nude. Tingling. Slow and sticky.) And he told me just to amuse myself. It seemed he understood … could that really be true? For a moment I didn’t know what to say. And for a moment I thought again, ‘Mustn’t I invite Jan too to celebrate the joy of sex?’ But Jan said again, “Just go amuse yourself!” Ah, feminism with sex! From a ‘decent correct’ distance of less than two feet. To help me exercise my woman’s right to pursue my sexual happiness. And yet, oh dear, considerate, poor boy, how awfully sweet you are. I felt like flinging my arms. She was cute and I assumed it was normal and temporary. I didn’t think much of it. Then one day when I was home on break from college I happened to notice a pair of purple cotton panties in the hamper and I sniffed them and got so horny that everything changed. I was now obsessed, but my family and my sister are all very conservative religious people, and i would be disowned if anyone found out about my secret.The second semester of college I thought about her every day. I hooked up with other girls, but eventually found myself virtually unable to come until I visualized my sister Marie moaning underneath me, rather than whoever it was I was actually with. I kept in contact with my family on video messenger, and I always hoped to get a chance to see Marie, but I tried my best to act normal when she did pop in. I couldn’t help but say things like “I’m sure the boys are lining up down the block to be with you,” and she would take it as a brotherly nice thing to say. Meanwhile my hand.
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